The Main Reasons Why Women Cheat Married or Not

There is a common misperception that it’s only men who step out on their partners, and that women are always faithful. To that, I say: Who are all these men cheating with exactly? Do heterosexual men only cheat with single women and each other?

The simple truth is that approximately as many married, heterosexual women cheat as married, heterosexual men. Research suggests that 10 to 20 percent of men and women in marriages or other committed (monogamous) relationships will actively engage in sexual activity outside of their primary relationship. And these numbers are likely under-reported, possibly by a wide margin, thanks to denial and confusion about what constitutes infidelity in the digital era. For example: Are you cheating if you look at porn? If you flirt on social media? If you have a profile on Ashley Madison that you check regularly, even though you never hook up in person?

1. Low Self-Esteem
Women with low self-esteem, depression, unresolved childhood trauma, and similar issues may seek validation through romantic and sexual activity. If someone wants them in that way, they feel worthwhile, desirable, wanted, needed, and loveable.
2. They crave intimacy.
Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, building a home and social life together, etc.) than sexual activity. When they’re not feeling that type of connection from their primary partner, they may seek it elsewhere.

3. Lack of Sex at Home
As mentioned earlier, women are sexual creatures. They usually enjoy the physical act of lovemaking as much as men do, and they also enjoy the feeling of being wanted, needed, and desired. Sometimes women are much more sexual than their partner. If so, this can be problematic. Rather than end the relationship, they may seek a little sex on the side to meet their physical needs.

4. They are overwhelmed by the needs of others
Recent research about women who cheat indicates that many women, despite stating that they deeply love their spouse, their home, their work, and their lives, cheat anyway. These women often describe feeling so under-supported and overwhelmed by having to be all things to all people at all times that they seek extramarital sex as a form of life-fulfillment.

5. Sex and/or Love Addiction
Some women engage in a never-ending stream of sex and romance to self-regulate (not feel) uncomfortable emotions and the pain of underlying psychological conditions like depression, severe anxiety, chronically low self-esteem, and unresolved childhood trauma (often sexual in nature).

6. They are lonely. 
Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouse works long hours or travels for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouse is emotionally unavailable. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection through infidelity to fill the void.

7. Lack of Female Social Support
A big part of healthy womanhood involves supportive female friendships and a sense of female community. Some women, especially those who experienced maternal abuse or neglect, undervalue this while concurrently overvaluing the attention of men. This can lead to infidelity.

8. Lack of Sizzle
Some women miss the exhilaration of meeting, flirting, dating, and forming new relationships. They find their ongoing, stable partnership boring, so they chase the emotional high of finding and bonding with someone new.

9. Revenge
Sometimes women feel betrayed by their partner (usually either financially or sexually), and they use infidelity to retaliate. Typically, women seeking revenge are not secretive about what they are doing.

10. Wanting to Leave a Relationship
Some women who want to end a relationship find it easier to cheat, forcing their current partner to end the relationship, rather than ending it more directly or assertively. Other women know they want to leave, but they are not willing to do so until they’ve got another relationship lined up.



As with male cheaters, women who cheat typically do not realize (in the moment) how profoundly infidelity affects their partner and their relationship. Cheating hurts betrayed men just as much as it hurts betrayed women. The keeping of secrets, especially sexual and romantic secrets, damages relationship trust and is incredibly painful regardless of gender.

If a couple chooses to address the situation together, couple’s counseling can turn a relationship crisis into a growth opportunity. Unfortunately, even when experienced therapists are extensively involved with people committed to healing, some couples are unable to ever regain the necessary sense of trust and emotional safety required to make it together.